I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
