At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
