dude i'm inner monologue high
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
