I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My vagina just recognized that song.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i believe in u and ur pee
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
