Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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