When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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