the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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