My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
