Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
