I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
