Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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