We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
