I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
cat food counts as protein by the way
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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