lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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