I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize