...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
