Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
