Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
