i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
