Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize