I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize