i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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