Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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