so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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