So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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