You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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