You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize