Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
