I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
