cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize