someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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