just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
