im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
But break dance skills will only take you so far
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
