i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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