I can't watch pbs sober anymore
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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