i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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