Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
