He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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