i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
