I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
