theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
