oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
