All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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