i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
