There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
