talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
