Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
