I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize