...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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