Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
