If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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