Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
handjob tips. give me some.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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