is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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