Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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