Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
