Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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