im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
