I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
