We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
