Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
