I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
