she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
