2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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