why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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