Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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