I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
