Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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