you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
