It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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