So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
