I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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