Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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