Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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