Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
