that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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